THE LAST GIFT GUIDE

a gift guide in november is like when your mom tells you how to use a tampon at age eight: technically will be useful eventually but is mostly just stressful

a quick note: i recently hit 100,000 subscribers on here, which is so completely unbelievable to me that i’m still not quite sure what to say about it. suffice it to say that i felt very alone when i started writing this blog, and i don’t feel alone anymore. this is one of the great miracles of my life, and it is in large part because of what you’ve given me. if there’s one theme that i think i’ve returned to most in my work on here, it’s the idea that our attention is an immeasurably valuable thing; the fact that any number of people have given me a little bit of theirs is a serious privilege and a serious responsibility. i feel so, so lucky (and also scared — it’s confusing to balance being grateful with being overwhelmed by what it means to write for this many people, but i am continuing to figure it out). basically: thank you.

much more to say about this, but to celebrate this milestone (and, of course, the holiday season) i’m running a 20% off sale on subscriptions. get internet princess for yourself or someone you love! or someone you hate! (let me know if you do the latter and i’ll let myself get more annoying.)

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i almost didn’t publish a gift guide this year out of resentment for how many gift guides got released in mid-november, a month so far from christmas that it might as well be august. i know that global warming fucks with the numbers on this but i just honestly do not want to be reading a gift guide when it’s still t-shirt weather outside. in fact, i interpreted most of these keen, striving gift guides as personally offensive, like when someone in high school asks if you’ve finished the homework a week before it’s due. in both cases, it begs the question: do you think you’re better than me? or: do your closest loved ones appreciate you more than my closest loved ones appreciate me? (the answer to both, by the way, has always been a resounding “i completely understand if so.”)

just kidding, sort of. basically, i have never given a gift that wasn’t made or purchased at the very last minute, and my life got a lot easier when i decided to work with this personality trait instead of against it. a last-minute gift does not mean a BAD gift; if you let yourself believe otherwise, you unfortunately live in a prison of your own design and have already doomed yourself to failure. necessity is the mother of invention, etc, etc. The Week Before is where all the greatest gifts live. so: THE LAST GIFT GUIDE. (note: a few of these gifts are not exactly last-minute, but no one reads gift guides for exclusively practical reasons anyway.)

a sneak peek at what’s inside: acts of service inspo. my own personal christmas list. many book and magazine recommendations. gifts to help someone get (and stay) offline. gift cards that are actually cool. my opinion on the ultimate girlfriend/best friend gift. my opinion on the best sweater to get a man (but is also my favourite sweater for myself). my favourite shoes in the world (they’re not even super expensive). a book that can be used to sexually communicate (literally the hardest thing ever). one million little objects i wish i had. and more!!!

the other reason why i almost didn’t publish this is because so many guides have already come out on this wonderful website that a sort of anti-gift-guide insurgency has begun. i was scared of the heat, but then i remembered that gift guides are awesome and fun and evergreen — and you don’t have to read this one if you’re bored of them! and honestly i really love giving gifts and i love curation and i already basically planned this whole thing for the love of the game (there are zero affiliate links at play here, and i tried to keep many of the ideas cheap or free). i really hope you find something here for yourself or someone you love. happy holidays <3

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one of the benefits of releasing the last gift guide on the market (to be clear, there are almost none, particularly in terms of profit) is that i get to recommend you some of my favourites from this year. i really liked this gift guide for men featuring a slew of recognizable names; fran hoepfner’s esoteric gift guide; my friend greta rainbow’s cult-classic google doc. and, of course, you can revisit my extended universe gift guide from last year.

okay here goes!!

a small sewing project is such a great gift and you can do it even if you’ve barely ever sewed before, i promise. i sewed my boyfriend a stuffed animal made out of my old shirts and it took about two days (look up patterns on pinterest). last year i saw a friend embroider decorative accents on some nice linen napkins for her boyfriend and thought it was very sweet. thrift a t-shirt and embroider a nice phrase/song lyric/band name/special word on it. i would love to receive a pocket altar, as recommended in last year’s guide.

i love giving and receiving basics in really nice materials. J. Crew is having a big sale on all cashmere today. i saw someone give this 100% egyptian cotton longsleeve as a gift and thought it was really chic. irish wool walking socks are one of my favourite things i’ve ever purchased for myself.

for a very close loved one, like a partner or best friend: call their mom and learn how to make a special meal from their childhood. or, deep-clean their room for them, like my best friend does for me almost every year. ask their local laundromat if you can get them a gift certificate, official or unofficial, to spend on wash-and-fold (this might not work, but wouldn’t it be great if it did?)

i fell in love with these french porcelain trinket boxes while on a trip to new orleans this year. no picture does them justice—they are tiny and delicate and snap closed with the perfect click. i’m scandalized by how expensive they are, but have discovered you can usually find them on etsy or ebay or local thrift stores for much cheaper. perfect for pills or rings or anything else. keep an eye out for the brand name “limoges”.

would love to put one peanut in this

some things i would personally love to receive: a long handwritten letter. a mason pearson hairbrush. this t-shirt from the Paris Review store. a heavy silver ring. this luxury deborah pagani hairpin (it’s perfect). simple garnet earrings like these ones. a really nice cured meat from a local butchershop, like chorizo iberico. for someone to tell me where to get good ‘nduja in new york. a warm quilt.

here are a bunch of gift ideas for someone who wants to get offline:

august lamm’s You Don't Need a Smartphone: A Practical Guide to Downgrading and Reclaiming Your Life. it’s meticulous and beautifully illustrated and, as the title says, refreshingly practical: it mostly covers the materials of going smartphone-free, including how to bank, date, travel, listen to music, and more.

from august lamm’s zine

on that note, get them a portable CD player or iPod. i think the CD player is the cooler of the two. then, burn them a CD (most computers don’t have disc drives anymore, which is a terrible tragedy, but you can get an external disc drive online or at any electronics store).

i think a good print magazine subscription is maybe the single best last-minute gift. i’ll recommend the obvious ones: i love my bookforum subscription. the point always has essays i want to read, and so do lux and the baffler. the paris review is classic and looks especially great on a shelf. i don’t think they have a subscription option, but you could just get someone a copy or two of the whitney review because it’s so great. metrograph just launched a beautiful print magazine, which might excite the film enthusiast in your life (i just attended the launch party for this, where i made eye contact with Ray from Girls, shook Paul Schrader’s hand, and was made to feel extremely insecure about my relative lack of film knowledge by exactly one guy i did not know. for me, this is essentially a perfect night).

an apartamento membership is great for a design-head. their whole online store is really nice. i’m intrigued by arranging things: a rhetoric of object placement.

do you know your friend’s favourite writer? look up that writer’s favourite books (or records, or movies) and get your friend an obsessive little physical media syllabus. also works for filmmakers, musicians, etc. but i think books are the best gifts ;)

SPEAKING OF BOOKS:

for a lover: a copy of little birds by anais nin. it’s best if it’s your personal copy and you’ve underlined or dog-eared all the parts that hint towards your personal sexual neuroses.

my copy