hi! it’s rayne. sorry this isn’t a podcast.
you may notice this post says it was published in july of 2020, when in fact it was published in september of 2021 — this is mostly because i'm a terrible procrastinator but has been compounded by the fact that i don't know how to use this website (the comedy of errors i made here isn't worth hashing out).
the point is, if you know me, you know that i’ve been making wild proclamations about the launch of my substack on a literal weekly basis for roughly the past eighteen months, which some people would call “lying” but i prefer to call “manifesting”. ask my friends! ask my family! ask the lovely artist who i personally commissioned to draw a picture of me in a pretend outfit like i’m a seventeenth-century royal or a rich person without shame! (i tried to pass this purchase off as dedication to my craft, even though it was obviously a desperate, thinly-veiled bid to see what it would be like if i was hot enough to inspire fanart.)
here it is, by the way…. no big deal….
Sign up now so you don’t miss the first issue.
In the meantime, tell your friends!
anyway, i think the most significant part of why it took me so fucking long to start this thing is that i couldn’t quite figure out what i wanted to do with it. originally, i had wanted to use this substack for long-form cultural criticism and political essays — sort of like longer, more intellectual versions of my tiktoks or tweets. imagine the screenshot capacity! when i say something you agree with, you no longer have to sully your ig story with a reposted tiktok — now, you can offer your followers a well-cropped block of text that commodifies your political views for social capital and lets them know that you read. just kidding.
but i’m a culture writer by trade, and i also pictured myself using this forum to overshare to all of you about the books i love and the music i love and the errant complaints i have and the celebrities i occasionally get to facetime. (on this note, i was going to save this for another post, but i have to get it off my chest: i zoomed with luke hemmings from five seconds of summer this week and he was INSANELY likable. that’s all.) i’m just so charmed by the idea of emailing you guys a direct line to all the silly things happening in my life, like we’re friends calling on the phone — it’s so pastoral! i’m also hoping that my real friends will just be able to subscribe to this substack instead of calling me all the time. just kidding.
CIRCLING BACK TO MY POINT!: i’m starting Internet Princess not only because i’m too insecure about my voice to start a podcast but also because i realized that i can kind of do whatever i want. i’m hoping to churn out one or two long-form political reads a month, with smaller, chattier pop-culture bits in between. eventually, i’d really like to start bringing some of my niche micro-influencer friends on here to put our heads together about drugs and sex and parties and capitalism or whatever it is you freaks are into. every time i try to talk about anything interesting or subversive on tiktok i get immediately put into hot girl jail, so i’m excited to explore ideas here that i’ve never been able to explore before. and, as a special little gift, i will recommend you one incredible band with under 1000 listeners in every post, because what is my role here if not to make the girls a little more esoteric???
i’m cognizant of the fact that i may be slipping into my Unlikeable Woman persona again, which i have tried to stop doing ever since i made a video about grimes that inspired an adult woman to dm me a video of her hissing, spitting, and eventually full-body elbow-dropping onto her phone camera, so let me wrap up. i am so excited for Internet Princess. thank you for joining me. <3